The Bloated Catfish

A young boy sat on the wharf, fishing well into the night. His luck had been bad recently. Actually, that is a major understatement. His parents were killed in a shipwreck, the house burnt down when he tried to cook dinner on his own, and he lost one of his shoes just a minute ago as it sunk into the lake. He had been surviving by catching a few fish and trading them for other goods at the marketplace. The last few days he had not caught anything. His stomach growled with contempt.

“Hey there, Boy!” a voice called from behind him. “Could you please tell us where we might find ‘The Bloated Catfish’?”

The boy was simply frozen with shock. He wanted to scream, but his vocal cords wouldn’t cooperate. Before him stood two of the scariest …..things he had ever seen.

One was a man, I guess, with pure white skin stretched tight over his bones. Just beneath the skin, black veins were visible. He was wearing black robes and had a tatoo of a bat on his bare scalp. Strangest of all, he had large white bat wings and a tail protruding from his robes. When he offered a smile, sharp fangs were visible.

Believe it or not, the other figure was even stranger still! His skin had a sheen that made it seem too real. Just above his knuckle, a large gash had torn the skin away. Insiead of lots of blood, there was only a shiny pink surface. Now that’s pretty wierd. However, that’s nothin’. This guy had TWO HEADS! One of which had a puffy white head of hair that stuck out at least three spans from his head! The other head (wierd, huh?) sported quite a menacing looking helm. Even his clothes were a wonder. Bright purple robes with orange triangles all over them, were complimented by the sparkly blue pointy shoes on his feet. All of this was enough to have the boy simply speechless!

The white skinned fellow leaned in close, “I asked, where is the Bloated Catfish?” The boy could only point in the direction of the east waterfront.

“You’ve been very helpful. Would you mind signing my book?” The two-headed man brought forth a small box and set it on the ground. It immediately expanded to a large chest. “I am Vroomfogle Zarniwhoop and my friend here is Malvidicus the Damned. Sign here please. Now, you can only sign this book once, for which you will recieve a gift. If you ever sign it again………….. well, just don’t sign it twice.”

The boy scribbled his name in the place indicated. Vroomfoggle ruturned the book to his box and started to hand the boy a platinum necklace! It was easily worth what the boy could earn in ten lifetimes! The poor boy was beside himself with shock and could barely stand.

“What?! That’s it? ” Malvidicus exclaimed. “This boy just saved us at least half an hour of searching, and that is all you’re gonna give him?”

“Oh, my goodness you’re right! Here boy, take this grapefruit sized diamond as well.” The boy passed out. “Now look what you’ve done!” said Malvidicus. “Well, we might as well keep him warm while he’s asleep.”

Vroomfogle proceeded to take out a small cube from his pocket. It seemed to be covered with gems and carvings. He set the cube on the ground and a shimmering portal opened up in front of them.

“OK. Stop hanging out and get shoveling!” Malvidicus shouted. And presently a line of moving skeletons began shoveling heaps of gold on top of the boy.” OK that’s enough!” He said after several minutes. Only the boys face remained visible. “That should keep him warm.” The portal closed itself after the last of the undead was back through.

The two magnificent beings walked off across the docks toward the east waterfront. Along the way an old woman crossed their path and asked for a copper piece to get some food. Without thinking twice Vroomfogle and Malvidicus dismembered her with their weapons, and tossed her into the lake.

“Gods! I can’t stand whiny beggars.” said Malvidicus, as he wiped off his sword.

“I heartily agree.” was Vroomfogle’s response.” Come. Let us get ourselves a drink.” And they continued on their way.